One Year In...

I realized tonight that today is the first anniversary of Noah's diagnosis. 
It went by so fast....
So much has happened.
It has been interesting to go back through the blog and remember all the fun times and also the not so fun times.  To think about all the people we have met along this journey who have touched us forever. 
Also to think about the people we already knew who showed us so much love and support and who have also touched us forever. 
I am not really sure what to say or how to document this day - not yet, but I do know that without the Lord's hand in all of this, it would have been so much different.  He has blessed us so richly in so many ways, we cannot even begin to recount!  He has answered many uttered and many unspoken prayers, and shown his great love for us in those answers.

I used to doubt the goodness of God. 
I did.  I remember reading through The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren, and a quote jumped out at me. "God's ultimate goal for your life on earth is not comfort, but character development..."  Which led me to the conclusion that everything in my life happens to teach me a lesson.  I began to approach life with the view of God as detached teacher, and an authoritarian one, to boot.  In my mind, I twisted the above quote even further to say, "God isn't interested in my happiness, he is interested in my character." 
I do think that God uses the consequences of my actions to teach me a lesson, but I am not so sure about how he uses my circumstances ( although there is always something to learn!).  I used to be afraid of what God would do in my life to get my attention fixed on Him, where it belongs. I literally feared God, and quite honestly felt suspicious of Him, always trying to second - guess His motives in every circumstance in my life.  
When Noah was diagnosed last March, I thought, well, here it is - God is trying to get my attention.   My personal devotion time had dropped off, I had kind of backed off my devotion to Him since starting my new job and not being involved in my Women's Bible Study, where I had been a leader.  I thought that he was using my child to teach me a lesson -"Don't ignore me!"

He was teaching me a lesson, but I couldn't have been more wrong about what it was. 

He has been teaching me all year about His great Love.
It has been shown the most clearly through His people.  We have been blown away by the support we have received from people in our church and Christian School community, financial and otherwise, but really, the LOVE people have shown is by far the best part.  I am so touched by people who come up to me and hug me with tears in their eyes, asking me about how we are doing; they honestly care. I actually can't go anywhere in Smithers without people stopping me to ask us how we're doing. Meals show up at our house every day.  Cards and gifts from people we don't even KNOW,  The day of Noah's diagnosis, Tom was here in Smithers, we were in Vancouver, and a parent from our school approached Tom and said, "We bought you a flight.  Go." That is LOVE (it still makes me tear up to think of that moment).  Grade 11 students from the class in which I used to work organized a benefit concert, where anyone who wanted to could come and share their gifts and raise money for us - that is love! (and a LOT of talent, as well!)  Four girls from a family dear to us decided to cut their amazing, beautiful hair and donate it and raise money for flights for us while doing it - that is LOVE.  The Sausage Factory, a local store, put a box with Noah's picture on it beside their till and people who shopped there kept filling it with coins for a whole year - that is LOVE.  There are countless examples of God showing us His love through other people.
He also began to work in my heart. One example of how he began to reach me, happened when Noah had c.Difficile and we couldn't stay at RMH.  We were booked in at Easter Seals for the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Easter Seals, it is a good place to stay, but it is old and kind crumbling, it smells bad and most of  the rooms are so old they just seem dirty.   I had heard stories about bedbugs (and actually seen evidence of them there - no bugs, but they had been in that room -ugh...) so I was really reluctant to go there.
They do have 4 rooms that have been remodeled, of the 50 in the building.  I started praying, kind of half heartedly, "Please let us get a new room (and no bedbugs)!"  with out really expecting God to answer. 
Well, what do you know, but we got a New room!  The House was packed and the only room available was a remodeled one!  The room was gorgeous, new laminate flooring, maple cabinets, granite countertops, undermounted sinks and a flat screen TV! It was nicer than my house!   I remember being so excited and surprised, but then I thought, "well, I prayed for it... I shouldn't really be surprised, should I?  Doesn't God love me that much that he would answer that kind of prayer??"
The answer: of course He does.  He cares about my happiness.  AND my character.